7/10/2003 - The Greatest Movie Ever Told
My film career is soaring to new heights this week, pals! But before I go into more detail, I'd like to give a special thank-you to the WB Network...
7/1/2003 - S.T.A.M.
It's July, and do you know what that means?!?! When I asked that question to Francis Beaumont III, the homeless gentleman I have tied up in my bas...
6/25/2003 - Wine tasting party
Usually, when I deal with the rich and culturally elite of this town, they say things like, “Put a shirt on” and, “Stop touching my face!” But those ...
4/22/2003 - Potato the Clown
Nothing is more tragic than a sad clown. The irony of tears coursing down a face once so full of merriment could break even the hardest of hearts. But...
4/21/2003 - Take it to the limit!
“Gimme a pizza, and make it flaming hot! TO THE EXTREME!!!” The girl working the counter at J.J.’s Pizza just turned around and ran into the kitchen. ...
4/17/2003 - Next stop, Happy-time Junction!
Over the years, I've built up quite a collection of mortal enemies. Bill Cosby, that guy who jogs by my house, Vincent the cow, Paraguay...and the...
4/15/2003 - A Kenny Rogers of my own
Sure I could knock Kenny Rogers out with some ether and lock him in my basement. And I know that when he wakes up, I could brainwash him to be my own ...
4/10/2003 - Retail Rodeo
"Draw!!!!" I said. The mall security guard wrinkled his brow and tilted his head a little. I told him, "You best draw, boy. Don't y...
4/8/2003 - One Kenny Rogers over the line
Career counselors have always told me, "do what you love, and success will follow." Well, I'd love to be Kenny Rogers. Don't get me ...
4/7/2003 - Techno Robot Sonic
When I walk down the street, people always say, "Are you the punk who just rubbed butter on my wife's face?" I always answer with a reso...
